I use Nikwax tech wash for my bonfire jacket, 686 pants and burton gloves:
Wash-in cleaner for waterproof clothing and gear - Tech Wash
So far so good...clean and still waterproof. After a couple of washes will probably need to pick up the water repellant replenisher.
As for dryer...i dont use it...i just line dry...but i do that for all my clothes...heh
In terms of the silver fading...if you're really concerned...i'd use the nikwax wash and hand wash the pants and line dry. Seems like the safest.