I don't "want to be atheist". Did you wake up one day thinking "Yeah! I want to be Christian woooo!" That's just how your beliefs are(or so I'd hope). If i know something is bullshit, why would I want to believe it? False hope is worse than no hope at all to me. I'm not atheist because it seems awesome to me, I just don't believe in a higher power which makes me atheist.