Well, there's certainly a tough crowd here isn't there. Good on you for wanting to do some rhymes...I can remember wanting to be a famous rapper after watching Vanilla Ice on the TV back in the day. Too bad I lacked skill, ambition, had anything worthy of creating a song about etc etc... Congrats and a good show of clangers for putting up the clip, if you don't mind, here's some advice that may improve your output;
-Don't pull faces to the camera prior to starting, you're supposed to be an imposing character...faces aren't imposing, glocks are.
-Position the camera higher so it makes you look less like a skinny teenager...
-Don't read your raps, remember them. We can clearly see you reading your material
-Find a niche for your style, don't just be a white dude that raps. Have a catch phrase, or rap about your daily 1st world issues, like Jon Lojoie or Mac Lethal (I credit GreatScott for knowing about Mac Lethal).
-Say words like glock, yo, dollahz, hoochie, and other gangster related words, alot.
-Get skills, mad mad skillZ
-I know this will only come with age, but one day you're probably going to look back at that clip and think - 'WTF was I thinking?'. You've got to realize that what you perceive as cool, may not appear cool to others
One thing though...I think that you should change the title of your clip to something that is going to get more hits (like, "crazy cats", "silly dogs doing tricks", or "fuck PETA - bear dancing on a hotplate")...shit could go viral, you never know...
yeah yeah, cool stories I know...
Did you really just write all that? Go rap with him.