America, Russia and Japan are sending up a two year shuttle mission
with one astronaut from each country. Since it's going to be two long, lonely
years up there, each may bring any form of entertainment weighing 150 pounds
or less. The American approaches the NASA board and asks to take his 125 lb.
wife. They approve.
The Japanese astronaut says, "I've always wanted to learn Latin. I
want 100 lbs. of textbooks." The NASA board approves. The Russian astronaut
thinks for a second and says, "Two years... all right, I want 150 pounds of
the best Cuban cigars ever made." Again, NASA okays it.
Two years later, the shuttle lands and everyone is gathered outside
to welcome back the astronauts. Well, it's obvious what the American's been
up to, he and his wife are each holding an infant. The crowd cheers. The
Japanese astronaut steps out and makes a 10 minute speech in absolutely
perfect Latin. The crowd doesn't understand a word of it, but they're
impressed and they cheer again. The Russian astronaut stomps out, clenches
the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row and
screams: "Anybody got a match?"
In retrospect, "Let's get the goat drunk"
should have been my cue to leave the party.