Aren't you like 40 years old?
That is pretty damn funny TT.
A bit of advice for helmets. Just like boots, get the one that fits your noodle. I have ran into a few that just don't fit my head at all. It's not as hard to fit as with boots, but it can be a pain. The biggest thing I find is one model from a company like Bern will fit me great and another won't fit me at all.
Another thing I like to look for is easily removable ear flaps. Helmets run warmer than a beanie. Come spring time it can be unbearable if you can't remove the ear flaps. No point in having a helmet if you don't want to wear it right? Vents and such are nice, but the biggest thing I've found is being able to remove the muff over your ears...
Also, helmets just lessen blows. If you have an impact that is enough to kill you dead on the spot without a helmet, it is probably going to kill you dead with the helmet on. Or leave you in a vegetative state, or leave you crippled. Keep that in mind, they help, but it is a very narrow window that they help with.