The heat is less likely to damage the gear than the fabric softener. Honestly, fabric softener is more often than not just bad news.
Wash the gear with a decent tech wash then treat with a DWR. Nikwax brand is fine for both. Honestly, I doubt it's ruined. It generally take some pretty sustained abuse to ruin decent gear.
"People say that marijuana smoking is going to get in the way of my career. I say to them that on the contrary, my fighting career is getting in the way of my marijuana smoking." -Nick Diaz