Well J-Hole is arguably(or not) the most "extreme" mainstream resort in north america and Whistler is the largest.
I'd have to agree that I'd start out smaller\easier which will be more enjoyable and not as overwhelming......shit some of my favorite places to ride are the smaller more out of the way places.
Regardless of what you choose you'll have a blast!
What smaller resorts can you Recommend? Im going to start doing a little more research into this.