First, linville is right -- having fun is more important than anything else. Second, give the camera operator a good slap. I got seasick. Third, the rails are either poorly set up or tracked out. There doesn't seem to be much of an approach or ramp.
In terms of your actual riding, you are popping instead of ollying, which will always look more awkward, and you're putting a lot more effort into getting air than you need to. On one of the rails (I think the second one), the person in front of you basically just rides on, and you jump an extra foot. This is just a question of practice. You'll get used to how much effort you need to put in for any particular trick, and you'll look smoother. But work on ollies a bit more.
I think the "too tight" comment from others is based on you bracing yourself for the big jump, then having to brace yourself for the landing. Just relax more.
The features were poorly maintained in this video. Our lazy ass park crew made the choice to blow snow then entire day before, and the previous night, but instead of adjusting the features, they just left them. The blue down rail used to come up to somewhere around my knee. Now it's about the height of my ankle.
You're not the first to tell me the pop vs ollie thing that I do. Thank you for pointing it out! I really need to work on that.
I'd say your rotation initiation is causing a lot of the jerkiness. It seems very forced every time you try to rotate.
Work on making really mastering your 180s and 360s to make it fluid and effortless and your other tricks which all rely on rotation will naturally become a lot smoother as well.
Will keep that in mind tomorrow. Maybe just spend the day working on those tricks before going back to park features.