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post #21 of 53 (permalink) Old 12-04-2011, 09:05 PM
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Lol

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post #22 of 53 (permalink) Old 12-04-2011, 09:28 PM
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Shit, I almost forgot the key thing- make sure you say 'bitch' lots too.

And Andreas, at least you are singing, we all know that it could have been worse...


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Last edited by fattrav; 12-04-2011 at 09:45 PM.
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post #23 of 53 (permalink) Old 12-04-2011, 09:33 PM
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Well, there's certainly a tough crowd here isn't there. Good on you for wanting to do some rhymes...I can remember wanting to be a famous rapper after watching Vanilla Ice on the TV back in the day. Too bad I lacked skill, ambition, had anything worthy of creating a song about etc etc... Congrats and a good show of clangers for putting up the clip, if you don't mind, here's some advice that may improve your output;

-Don't pull faces to the camera prior to starting, you're supposed to be an imposing character...faces aren't imposing, glocks are.

-Position the camera higher so it makes you look less like a skinny teenager...

-Don't read your raps, remember them. We can clearly see you reading your material

-Find a niche for your style, don't just be a white dude that raps. Have a catch phrase, or rap about your daily 1st world issues, like Jon Lojoie or Mac Lethal (I credit GreatScott for knowing about Mac Lethal).

-Say words like glock, yo, dollahz, hoochie, and other gangster related words, alot.

-Get skills, mad mad skillZ

-I know this will only come with age, but one day you're probably going to look back at that clip and think - 'WTF was I thinking?'. You've got to realize that what you perceive as cool, may not appear cool to others


One thing though...I think that you should change the title of your clip to something that is going to get more hits (like, "crazy cats", "silly dogs doing tricks", or "fuck PETA - bear dancing on a hotplate")...shit could go viral, you never know...





yeah yeah, cool stories I know...

Did you really just write all that? Go rap with him.
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post #24 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-05-2012, 08:45 AM Thread Starter
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post #25 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-05-2012, 09:07 AM
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post #26 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 08:09 AM
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I'm a lyricist too, but I wouldn't post a video of myself rapping into a webcam. That's just asking for hate.

To critique your actual lyricism, you aren't bad at all. Multi-syllable rhymes and decent metaphors. Try to add more word-play if you are inspired by Em.

The one thing I dislike about your rhymes is your cadence. You do go with the beat, but it sounds like you have no heart. You have a sleepy style and it just doesn't work.

Put some more intensity behind your rapping. The lyrics just don't match up with the cadence.

Well, that's my honest two cents.


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post #27 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Leo View Post
I'm a lyricist too, but I wouldn't post a video of myself rapping into a webcam. That's just asking for hate.

To critique your actual lyricism, you aren't bad at all. Multi-syllable rhymes and decent metaphors. Try to add more word-play if you are inspired by Em.

The one thing I dislike about your rhymes is your cadence. You do go with the beat, but it sounds like you have no heart. You have a sleepy style and it just doesn't work.

Put some more intensity behind your rapping. The lyrics just don't match up with the cadence.

Well, that's my honest two cents.
Is that a suggestion?

Not inspired by Eminem AT ALL. The Mighty Mos Def, Nas, Common, Guru, RZA, all very big sources of inspiration for me.

Good point.

Will do.

Thanks, I appreciate CC.
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post #28 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 12:52 PM
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Is that a suggestion?

Not inspired by Eminem AT ALL. The Mighty Mos Def, Nas, Common, Guru, RZA, all very big sources of inspiration for me.

Good point.

Will do.

Thanks, I appreciate CC.
Oh, I thought you said somewhere that you were inspired by Em.

My fault. Then the only suggestion I have is to just put more emotion into your voice.

To me, it sounds like you are trying to rap quietly because you don't want to disturb someone in the house. That's the best way I can describe that.


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post #29 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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which ones did you listen to?
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post #30 of 53 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 02:33 PM
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which ones did you listen to?
All of them haha.

I like rap so it's not hard for me to do.

In all 3 of those videos, I kept thinking, "more intensity man, more intensity". I think that most recent one would have benefited most from some more fire in your voice.


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