Groan of the day - Page 2 - Snowboarding Forum

racer357 · 05-13-2012, 06:59 AM

Did you hear about the new book coming out?

Holes in the mattress, by Mr.Completely.

davidj · 05-13-2012, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davidj

There was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
His daughter named Nan
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket... Nantucket.

He followed the couple to Pawtucket
The girl and the guy with the bucket
He said to the man, you're welcome to Nan
But as for the bucket... uh, I forgot how it ends.

NWBoarder · 05-13-2012, 01:55 PM

A blonde and a red head are walking together when they see some tracks. The blonde immediately says "Oooh, look at the deer tracks!". The red head replies "You dumb blonde, those are clearly moose tracks.". The two go on arguing back and forth for a while, then the train hits them.

**Donutz** · 05-14-2012, 09:56 AM

A little dog goes into a saloon in the Wild West, and beckons to
the bartender. "Hey, bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
The bartender ignores him.
"Hey bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
Still ignored.
"HEY BARMAN!! GIMMIE A WHISKEY!!"
The bartender takes out his six-shooter and shoots the dog in the
leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain.
Three years later, the wee dog appears again, wearing boots,
jeans, chaps, a Stetson, gun belt, and guns. He ambles slowly into the
saloon, goes up to the bar, leans over it, and says to the bartender,
"I'm here t'git the man that shot muh paw."

**Donutz** · 05-15-2012, 04:07 PM

A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a
terrible problem, Doctor. I have a son at Harvard and another son at
Princeton; I've just gifted each of them with a new Ferrari; I've got
homes in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach, and a co-op in New York; and I've
got a thriving ranch in Venezuela. My wife is a gorgeous young actress
who considers my two mistresses to be her best friends."
The psychiatrist looked at the patient, confused. "Did I miss
something? It sounds to me like you have no problems at all."
"But, Doctor, I only make $175 a week."

mrmidWest · 05-16-2012, 01:11 AM

I neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink?"

The bar tender replies "For you, no charge."

Badum Chhh.

Clarion · 05-16-2012, 07:22 AM

A man is at the check out counter at a supermarket.
The pretty cashier kindly greets him as he places his items on the conveyor belt.
The cashier begins scanning the items:

Quart of milk
Bag of chips
Instant Noodles
Bottle of Pop
Frozen Dinners
Chocolates
Frozen Pizza

As the cashier finishes scanning the last item, she looks at the man and says, "You're single. Aren't you?"

"How did you know?" he replied, "Is it the items I'm purchasing that gives it away?"

"No," she states, "You're ugly."

**Donutz** · 05-18-2012, 10:53 AM

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
"Do you serve lawyers here?".
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for
my 'gator."

Clarion · 05-18-2012, 11:57 AM

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

**Donutz** · 05-18-2012, 02:05 PM

The dyslexic's eternal question: Is there a dog?

05-14-2012, 09:56 AM	#14 (permalink)
Donutz Drunk with power...er beer. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 3,663 Blog Entries: 176	A little dog goes into a saloon in the Wild West, and beckons to the bartender. "Hey, bartender, gimmie a whiskey." The bartender ignores him. "Hey bartender, gimmie a whiskey." Still ignored. "HEY BARMAN!! GIMMIE A WHISKEY!!" The bartender takes out his six-shooter and shoots the dog in the leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain. Three years later, the wee dog appears again, wearing boots, jeans, chaps, a Stetson, gun belt, and guns. He ambles slowly into the saloon, goes up to the bar, leans over it, and says to the bartender, "I'm here t'git the man that shot muh paw." __________________ Illegitimi non carborundum Mountain Days: 30

05-15-2012, 04:07 PM	#15 (permalink)
Donutz Drunk with power...er beer. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 3,663 Blog Entries: 176	A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a terrible problem, Doctor. I have a son at Harvard and another son at Princeton; I've just gifted each of them with a new Ferrari; I've got homes in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach, and a co-op in New York; and I've got a thriving ranch in Venezuela. My wife is a gorgeous young actress who considers my two mistresses to be her best friends." The psychiatrist looked at the patient, confused. "Did I miss something? It sounds to me like you have no problems at all." "But, Doctor, I only make $175 a week." __________________ Illegitimi non carborundum Mountain Days: 30

05-18-2012, 10:53 AM	#18 (permalink)
Donutz Drunk with power...er beer. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 3,663 Blog Entries: 176	A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?". "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." __________________ Illegitimi non carborundum Mountain Days: 30

05-18-2012, 02:05 PM	#20 (permalink)
Donutz Drunk with power...er beer. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 3,663 Blog Entries: 176	The dyslexic's eternal question: Is there a dog? __________________ Illegitimi non carborundum Mountain Days: 30

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05-13-2012, 06:59 AM	#11 (permalink)
racer357 -LIFETIME MEMBER- Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 306	Did you hear about the new book coming out? Holes in the mattress, by Mr.Completely.

05-16-2012, 01:11 AM	#16 (permalink)
mrmidWest Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 171	I neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink?" The bar tender replies "For you, no charge." Badum Chhh.

05-16-2012, 07:22 AM	#17 (permalink)
Clarion Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 125	A man is at the check out counter at a supermarket. The pretty cashier kindly greets him as he places his items on the conveyor belt. The cashier begins scanning the items: Quart of milk Bag of chips Instant Noodles Bottle of Pop Frozen Dinners Chocolates Frozen Pizza As the cashier finishes scanning the last item, she looks at the man and says, "You're single. Aren't you?" "How did you know?" he replied, "Is it the items I'm purchasing that gives it away?" "No," she states, "You're ugly."

05-18-2012, 11:57 AM	#19 (permalink)
Clarion Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 125	A dyslexic man walks into a bra.