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post #41 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-20-2012, 08:05 AM
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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post #42 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-22-2012, 07:02 AM
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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post #43 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-28-2012, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
Drunk with power...er beer.
 
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An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her
porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps. She
picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears! The genie
tells the woman the he will grant her any three wishes her heart desires.
After a bit of thought, she says, "I wish I were young and
beautiful!" And POOF! In a cloud of smoke she becomes a young, beautiful,
voluptuous woman.
After a little more thought, she says, "I would like to be rich
for the rest of my life." And POOF! When the smoke clears, there are
stacks and stacks of money lying on the porch.
The genie then says, "Now, madam, what is your final wish?"
"Well," says the woman, "I would like for you to transform my
faithful old cat, whom I have loved dearly for fifteen years, into a young
handsome prince!"
And with another billow of smoke the cat is changed into a tall,
handsome, young man, with dark hair, dressed in a dashing uniform.
As they gaze at each other in adoration, the prince leans over to
the woman and whispers into her ear, "Now, aren't you sorry you had me
fixed?"


Coffee is your friend. Everyone else is an acquaintance.
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post #44 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-28-2012, 03:00 PM
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Is it normal that this thread makes me want to punch my monitor?
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post #45 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-28-2012, 03:42 PM
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A woman serving me coffee at Starbucks once told me this one.

What is the square root of 69?
Ate something.
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post #46 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-28-2012, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
Drunk with power...er beer.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyRVA View Post
Is it normal that this thread makes me want to punch my monitor?
Ideally it should make you run screaming from the room...


Coffee is your friend. Everyone else is an acquaintance.
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post #47 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-29-2012, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
Drunk with power...er beer.
 
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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals.
The leader of the tribe comes up to them and says, "Even though you are about
to killed, your deaths will not be in vain. Every part of your body will be
used. Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry. Your hair will be
woven into clothing, for my people are naked. Your bones will be ground up
and made into medicine, for my people are sick. Your skin will be stretched
over canoe frames, for my people need transportation. We are a fair people,
and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the Queen",
while plunging the knife into his heart.
The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!"


Coffee is your friend. Everyone else is an acquaintance.
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post #48 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-29-2012, 11:29 AM
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how did darth vader always know what luke skywalker was getting for christmas?


he felt his presents.

sarcasm... yeah... like THAT will ever catch on...
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post #49 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-30-2012, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
Drunk with power...er beer.
 
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Q: What does Spiderman call Kirsten Duntz's vagina?

A: His peter parker.


Coffee is your friend. Everyone else is an acquaintance.
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post #50 of 97 (permalink) Old 06-30-2012, 01:03 PM
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what has eight legs and eight eyes...


eight pirates.

sarcasm... yeah... like THAT will ever catch on...
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