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Old 10-04-2012, 10:43 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Monkey

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair"
The girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair"

Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas"

Mom fainted...
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Old 10-05-2012, 11:43 AM   #62 (permalink)
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"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into
the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:09 PM   #63 (permalink)
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It seems there's this magician working one of the luxury cruise ships
for a few years. He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences
change over fairly often, and he's got a good life. The only problem is the
ship's parrot, who perches in the hall and watches him night after night, year
after year. Finally, the parrot figures out how almost every trick works and
starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when the magician makes
a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind his back! Behind
his back!" Well, the magician is really annoyed at this, but there's not much
he can do about it as the parrot is a ship's mascot and very popular with the
passengers.
One night, the ship strikes some floating debris, and sinks without
a trace. Almost everyone aboard was lost, except for the magician and the
parrot. For three days and nights they just drift, with the magician clinging
to one end of a piece of driftwood and the parrot perched on the other end.
As the sun rises on the morning of the fourth day, the parrot walks over to
the magician's end of the log. With obvious disgust in his voice, he snaps
"OK, you win, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"
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Old 11-09-2012, 04:57 PM   #64 (permalink)
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How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, let the bitch cook in the dark!!!!
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:18 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Bert is getting concerned about his wife's hearing, but he's not sure how to talk to her about it. So he goes to his doctor for advice. The doctor tells him "There's a simple test. Stand 40 ft from your wife and say something to her in a normal voice. If she doesn't respond, move 10 ft closer and repeat. Keep doing this until she responds."

So Bert goes home, determined to perform the test. That night, he's sitting in the living room while his wife is cooking dinner. He figures he's about 40 ft away, so he says in a normal tone of voice, "Pat, what's for dinner?". Nothing. So he moves 10 ft closer, and repeats "Dear, what's for dinner". Nada. Moves 10 ft closer, repeats "Pat, what's for food tonight?". Zip. Moves to 10 ft away and asks again. Zero. Finally he moves in right behind her and asks once more "What's for dinner, dear?" To which she responds "For fuck sake, Bert! For the fifth time, CHICKEN!".
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:56 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Donutz View Post
The dyslexic's eternal question: Is there a dog?
Dyslexics untie!
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Old 01-26-2013, 01:27 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre





Whats brown and sticky?

A stick
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Old 02-02-2013, 01:50 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal decide one day to play a game of hide and seek. They decide Einstein is "it", so he covers his eyes and starts counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal immediately runs off to find a good hiding spot, but Newton simply stands there and draws a medium-sized square around himself.

When the count is up, Einstein uncovers his eyes, sees Newton and says, "Newton! I found you!"

To which Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal."
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:12 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Oh, good lord.
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:18 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar. He mutters to himself "I don't think..."

... and disappears.
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