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Old 06-10-2008, 09:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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it's one of those really boring work days here, so i thought i'd tell a joke.

Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God, who is seated on his throne in heaven. God says "I have called you three here becuase you are the best three fighters ever to live. I have a place for one of you by my side as my right hand man. Now I must decide who it shall be." Mr. T says "I pity the fool who wouldn't choose me as his right hand man!" God says "not good enough," and sends Mr. T to burn in hell. He then turns to Arnold and asks what he has to offer. Arnold says "i was in commando, predator, and the terminator, you have to choose me." God again says "not good enough," and sends Arnold to burn in hell. He then turns to Chuck Norris and says "why should I choose you?" At this point, Chuck Norris gives God a roundhouse kick to the face and says "you're in my seat bitch."

Oh such a stupid joke, i can't believe i took the time to type that. Anyone else got one?
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Old 06-10-2008, 09:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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this is my favorite joke of all time:

a lady is standing in line at the check out of a supermarket. she puts down a carton of milk, diet pepsi, some eggs, frozen dinners, and ice cream.

a guy standing behind her goes, "damn you must be single"

the lady looks at him and says, "wow that was amazing! how'd you know that?"






















"cause youre fuckin ugly"
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Old 06-10-2008, 09:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Are you looking for only chuck norris jokes?
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Old 06-10-2008, 09:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Are you looking for only chuck norris jokes?
no, that one just popped in my head
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Old 06-10-2008, 10:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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My father-in-law sent this one to me the other day:

5 year old's first job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.'

'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'




The little girl replied, 'I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' Gyprock...'


Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?
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Old 06-10-2008, 10:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Why did God put long legs on women?






























- To keep thier feet from smelling like fish

So bad but it made me chuckle.
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Old 06-10-2008, 10:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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^^^That just made me LOL Dcp, thanks!
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Old 06-10-2008, 10:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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No Problem. Lets see what else I can conjure up.
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Old 06-10-2008, 10:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Why did God put long legs on women?






























- To keep thier feet from smelling like fish

So bad but it made me chuckle.
ahahahahaah thats so horrible
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Old 06-10-2008, 02:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Then their was this fellow who loved his wife's butt so much, that he was constantly telling her what Beautiful Buns she had.

He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.

When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really special, she decided to have the words "Beautiful Buns" tatooed to her butt.

She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could get for $50.

After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy would tatoo just a "B" and a "B" on each cheek.

That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned around, dropped her pants, and said "Happy Birthday!"

Her husband said "Who the hell is Bob?"
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