What would your gf do? - Snowboarding Forum - Snowboard Enthusiast Forums
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-25-2008, 09:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
-LIFETIME MEMBER-
 
kri$han's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 1,486
Default What would your gf do?

got this from another forum...

Quote:
So, I just administered a good cocking to my girlfriend rite....

So as per usual I waddle over to the washroom to dispose of the condom and clean up like I always do. At this time I also have to take a sh!t, so I'm about to take off the condom and throw it out when this idea comes to me. I put four fingers in the open end of the condom and stretch it open, hold it up to my ass.hole and take a sh!t in it. A perfect, smooth, finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down to the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of ejaculate and displacing some of it so that it flows up the side of the turd. Perfect. it fits like a banana in it's skin. Then I look at my creation and wonder if it could possibly be more awesome. Of course it can, so I start clipping my toe nails and drop them in for good measure. I take the whole thing and hold the open end of it over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. Now I'm thinking about all the awesome things I can do with my new disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head, trying to choose the most awesome one. 'This is going to be epic!!!' I tell myself. I take it off the tap. It's the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and i have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop to complete the knot. Just then, the motherfuker slips out of my grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload upwards before even hitting the floor.

It lands on my foot, bounces alittle and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is in my bed fingering herself is startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!" emanating from the bathroom. She opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing a puddle of sh!t stew with a limp condom at his feet. She just stares for a moment, dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happened. Or she doesn't want to believe. There is poo, and cum and toe nails on the floor, walls, mirror and myself. I can see smoke coming out of her ears as her brain is trying to process the scene she's walked into. I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of her state of bewilderment. "What the Fuuck?! What the Fuuck did you do?" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret, not for what I did, but for what I could've done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel and drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess I can. I put a cool face on and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she wants an explanation. But I don't think she can handle it. So I walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her that 'it's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home'. She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mail box and drive home.

Now I'm at home. Ignoring the phone, watching Ugly Betty and trying to think of some kind of explanation... but what?
<!-- / message -->
__________________
Official 'Eh' Team representative

Kris
Toronto Prelude Club
kri$han is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 10:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
-LIFETIME MEMBER-
 
sedition's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 2,745
Default

Uhm...

Wow.

I am verclempt.
__________________
"Nancy Ninja Nabs Nefarious Nymph. Pays Price Per Pissed Pants!" -Flick

"Up, up, my people, let smoke and flame be our sign!"
-The White Rose Society


sedition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 10:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
Veteran Member
 
killclimbz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Front Range
Posts: 10,828
Default

Sounds like a crappy situation to me...
killclimbz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 10:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
Samyaksambuddhas
 
PaoloSmythe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Only British blaady Columbia!!!
Posts: 4,622
Default

so i got thru reading about 3 sentences into this post rite....?

and i got this distinct realisation of how glad i am, not to be a teenager anymore.

for sure i might sound condescending to say as much, but this is the epitome of puerile and i am left to wonder why anyone would want to write out such garbage? ever?

when you get to where i am, you'll see what i mean!
__________________
Just coz you don't understand it
Doesn't mean it makes no sense!
PaoloSmythe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 10:53 AM   #5 (permalink)
-LIFETIME MEMBER-
 
kri$han's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 1,486
Default

^ ohhh, you mean boring? :P

its just a story, man.
__________________
Official 'Eh' Team representative

Kris
Toronto Prelude Club
kri$han is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 11:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
kwu
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I don't think so much as boring, but more along the lines of how retarded that guy is

Last edited by kwu; 07-25-2008 at 11:51 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 11:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
-LIFETIME MEMBER-
 
sedition's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 2,745
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kri$han View Post
^ ohhh, you mean boring? :P

its just a story, man.
I think he is just jealous he wasn't banging the dame...
__________________
"Nancy Ninja Nabs Nefarious Nymph. Pays Price Per Pissed Pants!" -Flick

"Up, up, my people, let smoke and flame be our sign!"
-The White Rose Society


sedition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 11:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Staten Island, NY
Posts: 451
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sedition View Post
I think he is just jealous he wasn't banging the dame...
he's gonna try this on his girl tonight
SpAcEmAn SpLiFF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 01:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
Simply^Ride
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

He has some issues, but the story is kinda funny.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2008, 01:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
nz_boarder
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Haha... well I am a girl and ummmm thats fucked
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:00 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
VerticalSports
Baseball Forum Golf Forum Boxing Forum Snowmobile Forum
Basketball Forum Soccer Forum MMA Forum PWC Forum
Football Forum Cricket Forum Wrestling Forum ATV Forum
Hockey Forum Volleyball Forum Paintball Forum Snowboarding Forum
Tennis Forum Rugby Forums Lacrosse Forum Skiing Forums