So, I just administered a good cocking to my girlfriend rite....
So as per usual I waddle over to the washroom to dispose of the condom and clean up like I always do. At this time I also have to take a sh!t, so I'm about to take off the condom and throw it out when this idea comes to me. I put four fingers in the open end of the condom and stretch it open, hold it up to my ass.hole and take a sh!t in it. A perfect, smooth, finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down to the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of ejaculate and displacing some of it so that it flows up the side of the turd. Perfect. it fits like a banana in it's skin. Then I look at my creation and wonder if it could possibly be more awesome. Of course it can, so I start clipping my toe nails and drop them in for good measure. I take the whole thing and hold the open end of it over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. Now I'm thinking about all the awesome things I can do with my new disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head, trying to choose the most awesome one. 'This is going to be epic!!!' I tell myself. I take it off the tap. It's the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and i have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop to complete the knot. Just then, the motherfuker slips out of my grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload upwards before even hitting the floor.
It lands on my foot, bounces alittle and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is in my bed fingering herself is startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!" emanating from the bathroom. She opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing a puddle of sh!t stew with a limp condom at his feet. She just stares for a moment, dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happened. Or she doesn't want to believe. There is poo, and cum and toe nails on the floor, walls, mirror and myself. I can see smoke coming out of her ears as her brain is trying to process the scene she's walked into. I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of her state of bewilderment. "What the Fuuck?! What the Fuuck did you do?" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret, not for what I did, but for what I could've done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel and drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess I can. I put a cool face on and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she wants an explanation. But I don't think she can handle it. So I walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her that 'it's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home'. She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mail box and drive home.
Now I'm at home. Ignoring the phone, watching Ugly Betty and trying to think of some kind of explanation... but what?