What would your gf do? - Snowboarding Forum

kri$han · 07-25-2008, 09:56 AM

got this from another forum...

Quote:

So, I just administered a good cocking to my girlfriend rite....

So as per usual I waddle over to the washroom to dispose of the condom and clean up like I always do. At this time I also have to take a sh!t, so I'm about to take off the condom and throw it out when this idea comes to me. I put four fingers in the open end of the condom and stretch it open, hold it up to my ass.hole and take a sh!t in it. A perfect, smooth, finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down to the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of ejaculate and displacing some of it so that it flows up the side of the turd. Perfect. it fits like a banana in it's skin. Then I look at my creation and wonder if it could possibly be more awesome. Of course it can, so I start clipping my toe nails and drop them in for good measure. I take the whole thing and hold the open end of it over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. Now I'm thinking about all the awesome things I can do with my new disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head, trying to choose the most awesome one. 'This is going to be epic!!!' I tell myself. I take it off the tap. It's the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and i have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop to complete the knot. Just then, the motherfuker slips out of my grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload upwards before even hitting the floor.

It lands on my foot, bounces alittle and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is in my bed fingering herself is startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!" emanating from the bathroom. She opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing a puddle of sh!t stew with a limp condom at his feet. She just stares for a moment, dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happened. Or she doesn't want to believe. There is poo, and cum and toe nails on the floor, walls, mirror and myself. I can see smoke coming out of her ears as her brain is trying to process the scene she's walked into. I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of her state of bewilderment. "What the Fuuck?! What the Fuuck did you do?" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret, not for what I did, but for what I could've done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel and drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess I can. I put a cool face on and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she wants an explanation. But I don't think she can handle it. So I walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her that 'it's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home'. She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mail box and drive home.

Now I'm at home. Ignoring the phone, watching Ugly Betty and trying to think of some kind of explanation... but what?

sedition · 07-25-2008, 10:08 AM

Uhm...

Wow.

I am verclempt.

**killclimbz** · 07-25-2008, 10:12 AM

Sounds like a crappy situation to me...

PaoloSmythe · 07-25-2008, 10:43 AM

so i got thru reading about 3 sentences into this post rite....?

and i got this distinct realisation of how glad i am, not to be a teenager anymore.

for sure i might sound condescending to say as much, but this is the epitome of puerile and i am left to wonder why anyone would want to write out such garbage? ever?

when you get to where i am, you'll see what i mean!

kri$han · 07-25-2008, 10:53 AM

^ ohhh, you mean boring? :P

its just a story, man.

07-25-2008, 11:08 AM

I don't think so much as boring, but more along the lines of how retarded that guy is

sedition · 07-25-2008, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kri$han

^ ohhh, you mean boring? :P

its just a story, man.

I think he is just jealous he wasn't banging the dame...

SpAcEmAn SpLiFF · 07-25-2008, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sedition

I think he is just jealous he wasn't banging the dame...

he's gonna try this on his girl tonight

07-25-2008, 01:33 PM

He has some issues, but the story is kinda funny.

07-26-2008, 01:52 AM

Haha... well I am a girl and ummmm thats fucked

07-25-2008, 10:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
sedition -LIFETIME MEMBER- Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 2,744	Uhm... Wow. I am verclempt. __________________ "Nancy Ninja Nabs Nefarious Nymph. Pays Price Per Pissed Pants!" -Flick "Up, up, my people, let smoke and flame be our sign!" -The White Rose Society

07-25-2008, 10:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
PaoloSmythe Samyaksambuddhas Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Only British blaady Columbia!!! Posts: 4,622	so i got thru reading about 3 sentences into this post rite....? and i got this distinct realisation of how glad i am, not to be a teenager anymore. for sure i might sound condescending to say as much, but this is the epitome of puerile and i am left to wonder why anyone would want to write out such garbage? ever? when you get to where i am, you'll see what i mean! __________________ Just coz you don't understand it Doesn't mean it makes no sense!

07-25-2008, 10:53 AM	#5 (permalink)
kri$han -LIFETIME MEMBER- Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 1,486	^ ohhh, you mean boring? :P its just a story, man. __________________ Official 'Eh' Team representative Kris Toronto Prelude Club

07-25-2008, 11:08 AM	#6 (permalink)
kwu Guest Posts: n/a	I don't think so much as boring, but more along the lines of how retarded that guy is Last edited by kwu; 07-25-2008 at 11:51 AM.

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07-25-2008, 10:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
killclimbz Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Front Range Posts: 9,255	Sounds like a crappy situation to me...

07-25-2008, 01:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
Simply^Ride Guest Posts: n/a	He has some issues, but the story is kinda funny.

07-26-2008, 01:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
nz_boarder Guest Posts: n/a	Haha... well I am a girl and ummmm thats fucked