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Types of People You See on the Mountain

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#1 · (Edited)
My buddy and I have a habit of watching people while on the chairlift and trying to come up with names for the different types of riders/skiers you see on the hill. We're not really that funny, but we like to think we are. Plus it passes the time well. Here are some we've come up with.

Gaper Nukes - First-time, fearless skiers who have no business off the bunny slope. They don't know how to turn or stop other than falling over and simply straight line any hill they encounter. Including blacks. They are a danger to everyone on the hill.

Rocket Noobs - Same as Gaper Nuke only snowboarding version. Got hit by one just the other day.

Meat Rockets - Tiny kid versions of Gaper Nukes or Rocket Noobs, still dangerous but because of the smaller mass they are much less so.

Napoleon Dynamites - These are noobs either on skis or snowboards that are mostly just a danger to themselves and not others. Identified by slow awkward movements and flailing arms.

Gangsta Skier Zombies (GSZs) - Usually very tall, lanky teenage males with oversized pants and sweatshirts who always wear mirrored goggles and wear their helmets tipped back. Never use poles. Float around emotionless. Sometimes they will hit a rail but only with the least amount of effort possible. They never look at anyone or speak, even their friends.

GWs or Gypsy Wanderers - Low-intermediate or advanced beginner skiers that take a path down the hill with complete randomness, typically utilizing the entire width of the slope. Is completely oblivious to surroundings. Usually is a female aged 30-60 but examples are found in other demographic categories. An example path they might take down (across) the slope: right turn, right turn, right turn, left turn, right turn, sudden stop, look at you as if you see you, turn directly into your path at last minute, etc...

Skier Dads/Moms - Everyone knows who these assholes are.

Potentially Combustible Family Unit (PCFUs) - Usually led by Skier Dad or Mom (but not always), these groups can range in size from 4 up to 12 and encompass a variety of ages and skill levels. Give them a very wide berth.

It's all in good fun...anyone else do this at all?
 
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#12 ·
LOL! I saw 3 Saturday all in a group on the blue runs. All young teens with brand new Hero 3's mounted to their helmets. Heel sliding the whole way down the slope.

What do you call the people who pull out their smart phones in the lift line and then zone the fuck out?
 
#5 ·
Gorillas - boarders with very wide very duck stance, very baggy very low pants, hunched shoulders and arms dangling. Generally gather in groups and are of calme nature.

"Stöckler" - pole-er? (Stock=pole; a word creation for someone who uses his poles with too much enthusiasm). Generally of younger age but also noobish older tourist skiers. They love to swing their poles, especially dangerous on narrow cat tracks and in lift lines. Avoid them carefully if you care for your eyes.
 
#92 ·
Gorillas - boarders with very wide very duck stance, very baggy very low pants, hunched shoulders and arms dangling. Generally gather in groups and are of calme nature.
Damn, this topic was all fun until I recognized myself...

We have a shitload of Spandex-Missiles in the local hill.

The skiers who wear a tight condom-like suit made way too tight for anyone to use. They usually go down the hill as fast as they can but as soon as you arrive, they get the best idea ever and want to start jumping off the sides of every single jump or rail you were going to use. Typical behaviour is also to start stretching in the lift line and moving skis back and forth destroying your equipment in the process
 
#7 ·
none of these bother me so much, i wont let em ruin my good time, but i have noticed:

The Guardians - their sacred duty is to block all gates and trail merge zones, on special days they block the entries to lift lines. invariably they are skiers

The Placeholders - they choose to wait for their buddies between the scanner and the chair, pulling to the side a bit but not out of the damn way. and everyone is wondering wtf they are doing, if they are loading up or what. sadly, can be either skier or boarder

The Boardslappers aka Beavers...we've been over this

and my (least) favorite:

the Iphone Ass(sitting) Holes: these are boarders who have yet to learn how to strap in standing up, who string themselves in a line across the hill instead of stacking up, and think this is also the perfect time to check their twitter, facebook, or call mom and tell her about the view.

//////
 
#8 ·
Meat Rockets - Tiny kid versions of Gaper Nukes or Rocket Noobs, still dangerous but because of the smaller mass they are much less so.

It's all in good fun...anyone else do this at all?
...not so!!!! Do a search on this forum for my "Thrashed by a Toddler" clip! Little pink meat missle slammed into my ass head first. Literally! She put her helmet right in my tuchus!!!:blink: Hurt hell! (...and not just my pride!). ;) lol

Also,.. You forgot "Her Highness, Haughty Hot!" The smokin' hot female boarder/skier. Usually 16 to 36! Alone or in pairs. (...sometimes a group of 3, with the 3rd member being the plain Jane variety to emphasize the other's Hottness! always wearing Tight tight ski/board pants. Of fair to moderate skill sliding the slope, and displaying complete (..yet somehow still coy!) contempt for every male in the vicinity!








....then again, maybe it's just me they're ignoring? ;) :laugh: :eusa_clap:
 
#18 ·
human gates are super fail. earlier this season on an empty day we stopped in the middle of a wide open run for like 2 seconds and the other boarder on the mountain stopped to tell us that wasn't a good place to stop. so awesome.
 
#21 ·
The old guy skier/ chemistry guru that can tell you how and why the snow crystals from the snow guns form as they do relative to atmospheric variables. This may only be an issue due to the mountain I usually frequents close proximity to Cornell. It makes for an interesting lift ride, but can get a bit tiresome by the top of the hill.
 
#23 ·
saw another kind today, on the cattrack, skier, 'tucking' with his poletips out wide as possible, swerving side to side to not go too fast i guess....no need to come up with a name for him because i elbowed him into some bushes as a went by, so i guess 'Worm Food', or Find me in Springtime will do
 
#25 ·
This happened to me this past Sunday. I was coming down this particular cat track because there's a nice side hit off of it. Skier McGaperson was in front of me doing this bullshit. I timed him up and then straight lined it for my side hit. About 50' before my side hit, McGaperson abruptly decides to make a whack out of rhythm turn and comes right into me. I catch him and just chuckle and say, "Woah, buddy." McGaperson immediately goes full agro screaming "DOWNHILL SKIERS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!!!" I just say, "Well, if you'll notice we were roughly even on the slope when YOU skied into ME" and chuckled again and rode off with him huffing and puffing about god only knows what. :laugh:
 
#24 ·
The bridge club or the PTA meeting

That group of 4 skiers who ski side by side on a narrow, flat cattrack chatting and occasionally poling to keep going. Oblivious to who is behind them or what terrain is coming. Impossible to pass but frustratingly you only ever catch up to them as you're running out of speed on the flats. You end up 20 yards short of the next little downhill that might have saved you from having to unstrap.
 
#33 ·
Hmmmm, time to come up with some names:

The Daisy Chainers: Group instruction for kids under 6 or so. They all follow the leader, about 3 ft from the person in front of them, in long snakes all over.

The Ford Passer: This is a new one now that I have to cart people off the hills in toboggans. It's amazing, Newton should have studied the toboggan because it has an uncanny ability for attracting people who feel they must ski/board within 5 feet of it. (Mimicking the ford mustang 5.0 driver who passes you long after you've let off the gas)

The "Almost" Pro: Aforementioned peopls wearing GoPros 6" off their heads, with pole mounts, etc. generally riding intermediate at best. I've done crazy shit with a contour on my head and for the most part it all looks bloody boring!

The Gondola Pro: People checking trail maps in the gondola saying "we can't go there, it's only blue squares, lets hit this double black diamond section!" When they get closer to the top, their eyes widen when they see what the terrain really looks like. They proceed to heelslide down the cat track.
 
#34 ·
The Gondola Pro: People checking trail maps in the gondola saying "we can't go there, it's only blue squares, lets hit this double black diamond section!" When they get closer to the top, their eyes widen when they see what the terrain really looks like. They proceed to heelslide down the cat track.
I've seen pretty much everything mentioned in this thread except for this one. Then again, I've never heard people discuss trails on the gondola/lift and when our group does it, it actually goes: "no, we can't go here, it's all blacks and hard blues. Where are the long greens and easy blues??" :laugh:

*looks at mostly mild flat-ish section* "aw crap, that looks too damn steep for me!". -- ok this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point.
 
#36 ·
How funny - my husband and I do this on the chairlift also. I seem to find all the "whip it girls" which are girls that go down the mountain just whipping their board around instead of linking their turns. Just watching them makes my neck hurt! I can't believe how fast some people can board just whipping their boards and never linking a turn!

The kid classes following each other is another pet peeve.

The skiers who suddenly turn into you when you are even with them on the slopes.

We have benches at our resort for the boarders - which as older folks we use when we get off the chairlifts - what we HATE are the "squatters" - which are skiers sitting on the benches and chatting with one another. They have no reason to use a bench - they are on skis and they have poles - yet they use up the bench space! These benches are "intended" for snowboarders - but invariably there are skiers all over them and their skis are in the way so you can't even use the benches! Argh!!!!

Or the skiers in the lift lines who are pushing themselves with the poles and miss the ground and the ski poles almost take out your eye or jab into your calf!

Or, when not on the slopes walking by a skier who has their skis on their shoulders and then suddenly turns left or right and hits you in the head with their skis!!!
 
#39 ·
the gopro thing really is an amazing marketing win, despite the lame films they produce. a quality film will only use a bit of pov, if any at all because it is the worst way to see the action. but they've sponsored some of the best riders and all kinds of atheletes and are selling the things by the truckload, so kudos to them! (i have noticed many fewer this season than the last 2, so maybe people are noticing)
 
#42 ·
The South Park Ski Instructor - pretty much self explanatory

Duck Feeders - people sitting on the benches for us to put our bindings on. Now, I've seen boarders abusing just as bad as skiers, put your binding on and GTF out! Likewise, if a skier wanted to check their binding or boot, that's cool, but the people that just sit their like their feeding the ducks all day drive me nuts.

Ski Clackers - when you go under the lift with these guys on it, they clack their skis to get snow on you, even though you're wearing 50 lbs of snow gear, and they are in danger of loosing a ski!

Lazy Lift Loiterers - These people stop as soon as possible after getting off the lift, then hang out to grab a smoke, check maps, BS, etc.

Weary Wipeouters - Beginners that aren't very sure of themselves, that as soon as they see you they wipe out to stop, not knowing that if they ignored you, it would be easier to avoid them.
 
#46 ·
Lazy Lift Loiterers - These people stop as soon as possible after getting off the lift, then hang out to grab a smoke, check maps, BS, etc.
Nice! This can also apply to the people (skis/boards whatever) that wait in the lift lines for their friends. Hill is empty that day? Sure. But if there is even a remotely steady flow through the line, you just fuck things up!

:RantExplode:
 
#43 ·
The Odd Couple: The couple that fights in the middle of the piste...and usually extremely loud. Shouts like, "this is the last time" or "why did you bring me here" can be heard echoing across the valley.


Fucking noobs with GoPros bug me the most. In fact, people with GoPros in general bug me. I've spent too many hours watching shitty gopro footage from friends. Use it to film a friend, or at least learn your angles so the shot looks good and it isn't 90% boots and board.
 
#44 ·
I just witnessed something totally on a different level.
The ski-skate dancer: a guy dance like ice-skating dancers but on skis.
He was performing all kind of spins, jumps, and switches on the middle of the slope, totally in his own world. I seriously wondering what kind of weed he was smoking.
 
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