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Old 02-25-2014, 01:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Types of People You See on the Mountain

My buddy and I have a habit of watching people while on the chairlift and trying to come up with names for the different types of riders/skiers you see on the hill. We're not really that funny, but we like to think we are. Plus it passes the time well. Here are some we've come up with.

Gaper Nukes - First-time, fearless skiers who have no business off the bunny slope. They don't know how to turn or stop other than falling over and simply straight line any hill they encounter. Including blacks. They are a danger to everyone on the hill.

Rocket Noobs - Same as Gaper Nuke only snowboarding version. Got hit by one just the other day.

Meat Rockets - Tiny kid versions of Gaper Nukes or Rocket Noobs, still dangerous but because of the smaller mass they are much less so.

Napoleon Dynamites - These are noobs either on skis or snowboards that are mostly just a danger to themselves and not others. Identified by slow awkward movements and flailing arms.

Gangsta Skier Zombies (GSZs) - Usually very tall, lanky teenage males with oversized pants and sweatshirts who always wear mirrored goggles and wear their helmets tipped back. Never use poles. Float around emotionless. Sometimes they will hit a rail but only with the least amount of effort possible. They never look at anyone or speak, even their friends.

GWs or Gypsy Wanderers - Low-intermediate or advanced beginner skiers that take a path down the hill with complete randomness, typically utilizing the entire width of the slope. Is completely oblivious to surroundings. Usually is a female aged 30-60 but examples are found in other demographic categories. An example path they might take down (across) the slope: right turn, right turn, right turn, left turn, right turn, sudden stop, look at you as if you see you, turn directly into your path at last minute, etc...

Skier Dads/Moms - Everyone knows who these assholes are.

Potentially Combustible Family Unit (PCFUs) - Usually led by Skier Dad or Mom (but not always), these groups can range in size from 4 up to 12 and encompass a variety of ages and skill levels. Give them a very wide berth.

It's all in good fun...anyone else do this at all?
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Last edited by trapper; 02-25-2014 at 01:17 PM.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I just classify people on the hill into two groups.

People I'm with, and people I'm not with.

Any time people I'm with do something dumb I forgive them. Any time people I'm not with do something dumb, I hate them forever.

That's about it.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Foot View Post
Any time people I'm with do something dumb I forgive them. Any time people I'm not with do something dumb, I hate them forever.
Winner quote right there!
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The Go Pro side slipping down greens gaper. How awesome those videos must be.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Gorillas - boarders with very wide very duck stance, very baggy very low pants, hunched shoulders and arms dangling. Generally gather in groups and are of calme nature.

"Stöckler" - pole-er? (Stock=pole; a word creation for someone who uses his poles with too much enthusiasm). Generally of younger age but also noobish older tourist skiers. They love to swing their poles, especially dangerous on narrow cat tracks and in lift lines. Avoid them carefully if you care for your eyes.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Shufflers - skiers who stand in the lift line with their poles planted in the ground shuffling their skis back and forth, nailing your equipment in the process. This might make me angrier than anything else I see on the mountain.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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none of these bother me so much, i wont let em ruin my good time, but i have noticed:

The Guardians - their sacred duty is to block all gates and trail merge zones, on special days they block the entries to lift lines. invariably they are skiers

The Placeholders - they choose to wait for their buddies between the scanner and the chair, pulling to the side a bit but not out of the damn way. and everyone is wondering wtf they are doing, if they are loading up or what. sadly, can be either skier or boarder

The Boardslappers aka Beavers...we've been over this

and my (least) favorite:

the Iphone Ass(sitting) Holes: these are boarders who have yet to learn how to strap in standing up, who string themselves in a line across the hill instead of stacking up, and think this is also the perfect time to check their twitter, facebook, or call mom and tell her about the view.

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Old 02-25-2014, 01:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trapper View Post

Meat Rockets - Tiny kid versions of Gaper Nukes or Rocket Noobs, still dangerous but because of the smaller mass they are much less so.

It's all in good fun...anyone else do this at all?
...not so!!!! Do a search on this forum for my "Thrashed by a Toddler" clip! Little pink meat missle slammed into my ass head first. Literally! She put her helmet right in my tuchus!!! Hurt hell! (...and not just my pride!). lol

Also,.. You forgot "Her Highness, Haughty Hot!" The smokin' hot female boarder/skier. Usually 16 to 36! Alone or in pairs. (...sometimes a group of 3, with the 3rd member being the plain Jane variety to emphasize the other's Hottness! always wearing Tight tight ski/board pants. Of fair to moderate skill sliding the slope, and displaying complete (..yet somehow still coy!) contempt for every male in the vicinity!








....then again, maybe it's just me they're ignoring?
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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This person:



Almost always spotted near the lift line before the lifts start spinning. Invariable 70+ years old, male, wearing an '80s onesie and can't ski for shit.

The image I used is misleading, but the best I could find with a quick google.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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That one guy wearing jeans who's really fuckin good.
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