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This will be tough to address without riding with someone who knows how to teach and plan around your specific limits and psychology.

One of the things I've learned in the past few years is that people are just built very differently. Intellectually I always knew this was true, but I didn't truly understand this until I spent the bulk of the past 5 years hanging around my then-girlfriend/now-wife and just became very intimately aware of how she processes the world.

I am naturally built with low fear. Alex Honnold went through a CT scanner in Free Solo and a neuroscientist found that his amygdala (basically fear center of the brain) was way underreactive compared to even other rock climbers. I'm not nearly THAT fearless, but I expect my amygdala's similarly underreactive. I can definitely maintain reasonable poise and not be too affected by stressful circumstances.

I also have strong natural awareness of where I sit in space, where other people sit in space, and where they'll most likely be in a few seconds relative to me. I also have good intuitive understanding of how to fall safely andmore importantly how NOT to fall.

My wife is completely different, she is naturally fearful to the point of paralyzing irrationality, and doesn't seem to get better with additional exposure. She also has GARBAGE understanding of where she sits in space and how to most efficiently move through an environment with a lot of moving parts. I've seen people give her death stares because she is completely oblivious to cutting folks off on sidewalks. She also does exactly the wrong fucking shit when she falls, namely extending her arms and trying to catch herself with her hands.

What works for me will not remotely work for her. For me, I just sucked up it up and took my lumps, and can comfortably drop steep shit and stay in control at 50+ mph on my snowboard. I know how to read crowds, so I know when I can open up the throttle and when I need to dial it back. And if I eat it, I know how to slide out / roll through the fall safely. Sure familiarity and repetition bred confidence, but no one taught me how to process stimuli input and intuitively navigate crowded environments-- I just know how to do it.

For her, she just stays within her comfort zone and will probably never exceed 25 mph. And frankly she shouldn't go faster than 25 mph, because she has no fucking idea where she is relative to others, how to predict what others are doing, or how to self arrest safely if she falls. And all of that is simply a function of personality and cognition.
 

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Oh, and yes to the irrational fear of speed and getting hurt. I've had three or four really bad falls while snowboarding that hurt a lot, and they were all going slow on flat runs. I've fallen a lot going fast and off of jumps, no big deal, no injuries there.

Based on experience, I should be afraid of going at slow to moderate speeds on green runs, but large jumps still scare me the most even though I know I'm more than capable of landing them.
Two of the hardest falls I've ever had were heel-edge catches at moderate speed, doing nothing in particular.
 

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My wife is completely different, she is naturally fearful to the point of paralyzing irrationality, and doesn't seem to get better with additional exposure. She also has GARBAGE understanding of where she sits in space and how to most efficiently move through an environment with a lot of moving parts. I've seen people give her death stares because she is completely oblivious to cutting folks off on sidewalks. She also does exactly the wrong fucking shit when she falls, namely reaching out with her hands to catch herself.
My wife isn't quite at that level, but when I was first helping her learn to ski, we set up on a very, very gentle slope and I got her sliding. She was practically screaming in fear as she went down the slope with me walking beside her.

She now does bunnies and gentle greens at a reasonable speed, and has no desire whatsoever to see the inside of a blue. To each their own.
 

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Try getting comfortable riding on edges at low speed before moving onto riding at highspeed. For me, I've never had fear of speeding down a slope, but I guess one of the main thing that would scare me to do so is catching my edges, riding on edges prevents you from catching edges and allows you to be more stable during highspeed. Another thing that would make riding at highspeed less scary is bending your legs, as already said before, this would allow you to go over bumpy areas easily and decrease the chance of falling.

I hope you can overcome this challenge and have fun snowboarding! :)
 

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Many excellent things have been noted. A bit of woo...you are falling...or better...flowing gravity. Fear is recoiling from gravity...mainly not understanding the natural flow of gravity. To understand the natural flow of gravity you need to be able to visualize it, anticipate where and how it flows and what it flows around. Thus learning to see/read the terrain and choose the line(s) to flow will help you become aware of where your body needs to be to make the best of the flow. Rinse and repeat a challenging run so that you can learn to see, understand and eventually feel the flow. You will learn to anchor your chi to various spots/places of the gravity terrain and then let your chi and gravity pull you there. Your body will know what to do to get you there without thinking or conceptualizing it (thinking is too slow). The fun is where you have the knowledge, strategy and skills to execute leaning into or stepping into the flow of gravity...it becomes effortless and a seemingly endless moment.

Btw flow doesn't matter the pitch of the slope nor the speed. You also got to understand speed is in a relationship to your edges...if your edges are parallel (or at least within 45 degrees of the fall line) with the flow of gravity, there are no edges to catch and if your weight is a tad on the nose or neutral your board will flow gravity.

Flow state is beyond fear...but you must first go through fear, understand fear (fear is a reasonable teacher) and make fear your ally. But death is a great teacher....bwahahaahaaa! lol
 

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Discussion Starter #28
Let me do some comments. I'll do it FIFO.
And that could have two sources: a) you lack confidence because your skills aren't there yet, and then it's a very good thing you're not bombing. There are too many out of control ppl on slopes anyway. So just take your time and continue to progress. Or b) you would have the skills but are just timid. In that case, just take your time... it's not a race ;).
I think I definitely lack a lot of skills, but honestly I never went anywhere close of hitting me or others that bad. So I guess this is irrationally fueled by thinking to the worse.
Fear is bad for progressing for two reasons. First, I get tired very quickly and so I cannot add the hours of snowboarding I really need and unfortunately when I maange to get to the slopes, I need to use every single minute for riding, as there are no second choices. Second, if I am constantly breaking, I cannot do what I need to do.

Mind that when I watched some videos of me riding I was like "do I go so slow?". During actual riding I thought I was going so fast!

I think that as neni suggests, the way to go is doing exercises on the slopes. Incremental exercises are the best, as @Donutz has proposed . I have more or less 8 months to set up my plan.
 

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Discussion Starter #29 (Edited)
Oh... and by the way... here's the mantra: "ride lower, and get out of the backseat"
I'll do it for sure! After watching creepy basement video, I think I understood how to avoid the backseat.
Btw, why do you all call it creepy basement video?

About weight on back foot, I am definitely guilty. I think this is exactly what does not allow me to be reasonably good at riding one foot. So I stressed so much to put weight on front foot so much.
 

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Only if you promise to teach me how to snowboard, how to properly fall, and how to avoid fear of speed :p
That's easy:
Falling...grab your self...become a compacted meat ball...hit with the biggest body part...and bounce or slide....don't splat.

Snowboard...focus:
1. weight on the nose,
2. humping toeside (pelvic tilt...the creepy),
3. dumping heelside,
4. SQUAT/bend the knees,
5. Keep inside the cereal box.

Fear is one side of the coin...love is the other side. Speed is your friend.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
My wife is completely different, she is naturally fearful to the point of paralyzing irrationality, and doesn't seem to get better with additional exposure.
I was thinking to be like this myself. This would be the worst case scenario but I want to believe is not like this.

As per your example, I do know where people are standing, where should I be to avoid bumping into others. A signal that something is wrong in me is when I accidentaly bump myself into stuff or people. But it does not happen frequently.
On the other side, I use my e-bike to 25kmh into the city traffic: it was scaring at the beginning, so close to cars, etc, but now it is pretty much routine. Also I sailed a little on skiffs, example picture as my english skills are failing me.
So I guess that I can overcome fear of snowboarding on blue pistes.
I know I will never be an adrenaline addicted, I don't have an extreme target to achieve: I want only to have fun in easy (and maybe medium) slopes. But now, fear is preventing this.
 

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Discussion Starter #34
I actually had this discussion with my son this weekend and one thing that can help is pointing it, picking up speed until you start being a bit afraid and then counting to 3 or 5 or whatever you're comfortable with and then hitting the brakes. Try increasing the number as you go.
This is another exercise to try. I did something similar in the pastm but your suggestion is much more interesting.
 

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I was thinking to be like this myself. This would be the worst case scenario but I want to believe is not like this.

As per your example, I do know where people are standing, where should I be to avoid bumping into others. A signal that something is wrong in me is when I accidentaly bump myself into stuff or people. But it does not happen frequently.
On the other side, I use my e-bike to 25kmh into the city traffic: it was scaring at the beginning, so close to cars, etc, but now it is pretty much routine. Also I sailed a little on skiffs, example picture as my english skills are failing me.
So I guess that I can overcome fear of snowboarding on blue pistes.
I know I will never be an adrenaline addicted, I don't have an extreme target to achieve: I want only to have fun in easy (and maybe medium) slopes. But now, fear is preventing this.
You can face your fears and get better at them over time. I used to be scared of heights pretty good when I was younger. I went to the mountains one year with some friends, made myself stand on the edge of a huge cliff until I felt comfortable and realized it wasn't that scary. I used to be worried about things like ladders only 10 feet tall. Now I go over scary lifts out West, climb ladders, etc. I think @kimchijajonshim is very right about psychology, some people are more fearful of things than others. It's not a bad thing. But getting used to going fast on things in the summer will also help you. If you are having speed issues on things other than the snowboard you should get used to those over summer to prepare for the winter.
 

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For the moment, I like to know that I am not the only one that has fear. I have a lot of friends that ski very well since they are 3 yo and they seem never afraid of anything.
Speed on skis and speed on a snowboard are two very different things. I started skiing when I was about 2, and I trust I can still get down any mountain pretty quickly without exerting myself too much. On my snowboard I am usually one of the slowest persons around if you measure the time I take to the bottom. That's because I strive for the biggest possible detour, the wide arcs. Those don't necessarily mean speeding.
I remember a day when my kid was small, maybe 5 yo. She on her skis, me on the board. She just plain forgot to stop occasionally and bombed down the mountain like kids will. It took everything I had to keep up with her, because hardpack under your skis and hardpack under your board are also two very different things.
Oh yeah, and I doubt speed helps progress. It's usually the other way round.
 

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Fear of speed is, imo, symptomatic of something missing in your technique. I'd suggest not even thinking about speed--just back way up and spend a few days refining your technique, and trust that speed will come later.

Notice when you feel the fear of speed. Is it on steep stuff? Bumpy stuff? In crowded areas? Ice? Those could all point to different holes in technique. The fear is your brain telling you, "I lack control in these circumstances so please slow down." For me it was uneven or bumpy terrain. Once I cleaned up my technique enough where bumpy stuff was no longer challenging, a lot of my fear of speed went away.

For beginner-ish riders, I think one of the most common areas is edge control. You simply won't feel comfortable at speed if you haven't figured that out yet.
 

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Discussion Starter #39
Notice when you feel the fear of speed. Is it on steep stuff? Bumpy stuff? In crowded areas? Ice?
Steep and ice are the most scary. Bumpy are a little scary, but mainly because I am not used to them. I feel that it is just a matter of trying more.
Crowded areas are more annoying than scaring, because majority of the time I can just wait to get some space for me. I have no urge of riding too close to people. I just need to better guess the radius of my curve so that I can know when there is enough space.
Also I am scared in narrow paths, where you have the mountain on one side and a (not skiable) slope on the other. Usually, those parts are crowded so it is difficult x2.

Ah narrowing down what is actually scaring seems useful to build confidence as it means accepting it without being overwhelmed.
 

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Discussion Starter #40
And btw thanks for letting me rant about snowboard without too much judgment.

... too cheesy for this forum?
 
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